Every stage of life has its unique challenges and joys. No matter what your situation is as you journey through midlife, one thing is certain, a well lived present automatically creates a fulfilling future.
When life isn’t as you want it to be, the first thing you might do is set a goal for a better future. But, what if instead you took all that energy and applied it to perfecting the present instead? When you make the most of your present situation, a better future is naturally attracted to you.
Finding joy now, not someday when, is a much better goal. However, few people really know what brings them joy because they have been in a state of striving for most of their life. As a woman in midlife, most likely you have spent much of your life putting other people’s joy before your own.
Now, it’s your turn. It’s time to create your best life from the inside out.
Here are 8 Ways to Create a Midlife You Love, Right Now.
- Recognize How Perfect the Present Really Is!
Say this out loud: “The present is perfect!” What were your next thoughts? Whatever they were, they are the perfect place to start and evolve from.
The present may not be perfect when measured by human standards, but it is perfect when measured by your soul’s standards. In order to realize your ideal future, you must first fall in love with “what is”, because the “here and now” is where your opportunities for learning and growing exist.
You can’t change the past, although you can learn to let go of its grip on you. You can’t change the future, but you can steer it in the direction you want it to go based on your present attitude and choices.
Have you heard the old saying “Why do you think they call the present a gift?” it means there is always a positive in every present moment, but you have to be willing to see it and be open to the idea that even in challenging times, there’s a gift to be discovered.
- Extreme Self Care
Being in the present also means being selfish in the best possible sense of the word. I call it extreme self care. This is putting your personal focus on balance, well-being and quality of life.
Here are some examples of extreme self care, and how you can create a present reality that is not only fulfilling, but also steers you into a more joy filled, purpose filled future.
- Eliminate stress. Not just reduce stress, get rid of it all together! What are your major life stresses? It could be your job, promises you’ve made, certain people, lack of time, money, or resources. List them all, and then come with 1-3 ways to eliminate them.
- Design your environment to best serve you. If something is broken, fix it. De-clutter and revamp your home to make it nurturing and relaxing, only spend time with people who add to your energy, not deplete it. Get fully organized!
- Add more pleasure to your life! Only you know what makes you feel great. Make a list of your top ten favorite personal, intellectual, spiritual, whimsical and entertainment pleasures. Then come up with at least 3 different ways to put more of each into your life!
- Integrative wellness. This involves using a combination of modalities (the tools to self heal, overcome and grow) to empower self towards harmony and balance in body, mind and spirit.
- Invest in the service and support of experts. This could mean working with a life coach, a chiropractor, and massage therapist, a psychologist, an accountant, etc…It could also mean having a great support system of friends or groups that fuel your motivation and growth.
- Know and Live by Your Values
Values are those things in your life you find yourself naturally drawn to and have a strong desire to express. Beauty, freedom, creativity, adventure are examples of values.
When you live your life in tune with your values, you feel more fulfilled. Making a commitment to yourself to live your life according to your values in the present will attract a future with more of the same. You can take my values assessment in my Inner Circle Coaching Library. Password is manifest.
- Get Your Needs Met
There are two types of needs, survival needs and personal needs. Survival needs, when met, keep you alive. Personal needs, when met, let you truly be yourself in the best possible way. They can include information, inspiration, support, solutions, skills, etc…
Needs are not optional. If you’re starving, food isn’t an option, it’s a need. It’s the same with unmet personal or emotional needs. Satisfying your needs is essential to your evolution.
- Tolerate Nothing
For most people, even very together people, 80 percent of their lives involve carrying toleration’s around. Toleration’s usually represent compromises you’ve talked yourself into. When you were a kid, you didn’t tolerate much, you let your displeasure show, but later, as you got older, you got socialized. You learned to stifle your feelings. You can handle your toleration’s in 4 steps.
- First, recognize the many actual benefits of tolerating. What is the pay off? Maybe it’s as simple as you get to avoid standing up for yourself.
- Second, set a personal limit on your toleration. For example, how many seconds will you allow someone to go on and on with their complaining before you re-direct or stop the conversation.
- Third, reduce or eliminate whatever consequence you fear or risk you perceive when you rid yourself of a toleration. Resolve not to be pushed around by your fear.
- Fourth, respect your toleration’s. We all have them, so use them as teaching tools. They might signal an area of your life that needs strengthening.
- Keep Life Simple
Automate, remove, create a system, delegate. For example, automate bill paying, get a delivery service, hire a housekeeper, get a VA, say no often, don’t re-invent the wheel, create a closet system, create a food planning and prep system, let go of toxic people, order online, etc… Ask yourself, “If I am ready for a very, very simple life at this point, what major changes would I need to make to get on that track?”
- Be Yourself
Tell the truth about yourself. Love yourself, flaws and all. Do not wish for someone else’s life. You can be inspired by them, but when you strive to be like them you miss your own opportunities in the present because you are too busy being focused on the future.
Have confidence that there is a very special, valuable someone inside of you.
Don’t be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone and making mistakes. Be vulnerable to criticism.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. Laugh at yourself and life. And I mean every aspect of yourself, your weaknesses and your strengths, your successes and your failures, your habits good and bad. When you can arrive at this place, you are very much in sync with yourself and life.
Love yourself enough to be detached from the opinions of others. The only opinion that matters is your own. Being human means being fallible yet at the same time always capable of greatness.
- Upgrade Your Body, Mind and Spirit
If you are ready for a Midlife Mastery Reset, consider my latest project! In April and May, I am offering 8 free reset coach calls. This is a 60 minute, Body-Mind-Spirit Spring Cleaning for Midlife Masters! LEARN MORE HERE
Debra Betterly, PhD is an Integrative Wellness & Life Coach and Metaphysician whose passion is to help women expand their health, joy and purpose in midlife and beyond.
You can join her free Midlife Mastery “Inner Circle” and receive your free gifts HERE
Her free “10 Day Whole Person Detox Challenge” is offered as a body, mind, Spirit approach to holistic health. Learn more HERE