All too often, as a human being, you may allow yourself to react in an emotionally negative way to what others say or do. If your reactions are preceded by the emotions of fear, anger, or sadness and you act with a knee-jerk response to protect your ego, you are choosing to give up your personal power and effectiveness for all concerned.
Simply reacting to life is to create your life from fear and low self-esteem. This is what happens when you find yourself focusing on what’s wrong with you and your life or fear being controlled, hurt, or taken advantage of.
Not believing you have a choice in how you respond will cause you to overlook the many things in your life for which you should be grateful for.
When you doubt your ability to create your outcomes in life and access the abundance you see all around you in the world, you will react instead from the concern of scarcity and the expectation of failure, hurt, and disappointment.
You may see yourself in competition for the world’s resources and the love and attention of others rather than realizing that there is more than enough of all that is good to go around. You may have forgotten that you manifest what you expect rather than needing to compete for limited resources.
Whenever you forget that you are a magnificent being and that there is plenty of wealth, happiness, fun, and fulfillment to go around, you may feel the need to protect yourself from what you perceive to be a dangerous world and react accordingly.
However, when you remember that others may be operating from the same lack of self-confidence, scarcity of gratitude, and deficient self-love that you sometimes do, and you choose a different response, you can assist others in their personal growth.
Whenever two or more individuals see themselves as not good enough to tap into the world’s abundance and get all their needs met from a physical, social, mental, and emotional perspective, conflicts are likely to arise. The result is broken relationships, strained communication, emotional pain, struggle, and suffering.
All of these are needless and optional when you realize your ability to detach from the struggle and master your own emotional response. When you stop to realize that everyone else suffers from the same self-doubt and fear of being dominated and cheated out of getting their fair share of love, fun, money, possessions, and security, you can do your part to break the vicious cycle of endless competition and continual striving for domination.
You begin to realize that using your personal power in the form of cooperation and communication is more effective in producing harmony than competition and a focus on self-interest based on fear.
You can intentionally choose to trust that others are doing the best they know how to do based upon how they see the world. You can assume that they are acting from good intentions, even when you fear the opposite.
You can hold them as worthy, competent, loving, good natured and capable of creating win-win relationships rather than fearing them as hateful, ill meaning, incompetent, unworthy, selfish opponents.
The difference is clear. When you decide to champion others by looking for the best in them and interact with them out of an attitude of gratitude for their gifts, strengths, and positive qualities and they know and sense that you hold them as intrinsically good and worthy of your love and respect, you provide for them a new and exciting opportunity to show up for you in this manner.
Your decision to hold others as great (because they really are when you strip away their anger, fears, and insecurities) allows them the freedom to rise to your expectations.
The key to bringing out the best in others is non-attachment. When you realize that you have total control over your response to any situation, and you give up your right to be invalidated by others or control them, you will possess a new found freedom that allows you to exit the drama of conflict in favor of understanding, compassion,and love.
Debra Betterly, PhD is an Integrative Wellness & Life Coach and Metaphysician whose passion is to help women expand their health, joy and purpose in midlife and beyond.
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