I know a lot of people who are living their life on autopilot. These are the people who go through their days letting life just happen to them. No matter what they do, things just don’t seem to work out the way they want them to.
Over the years, and for awhile in my own life, I began to wonder about this and if there was a better way. When the answer came to me, it was a big "ah ha" moment. These people, (including myself for a long time), had not bought into one of the most fundamental principles underlying all personal change. They have not yet realized that somehow—even if they can’t see how—they are creating what’s happening in their life.
Are you one of these people? Are you pretending you don’t have control? I don’t mean you’re to blame for your life. No one consciously or intentionally creates a life they do not want. However, there is an unconscious part of you that generates feelings, behaviors, meanings and whatever these are is what you attract.
This is the part of you that suffered some sort of trauma in the past and as a result, you are unconsciously protecting yourself from experiencing that pain again. Your belief, and the resulting focus on what you don’t want, is actually creating more of what you don’t want without you realizing it. And the more you get what you didn’t want, the more you prove that you are not worthy of what you did want.
For example, if you grew up with parents who were mentally abusive and called you stupid whenever you made a mistake, then to avoid the pain of being called stupid you decided to never make a mistake, never take a risk and never attract anything that might fail. If you did make a mistake, in your mind, it just continued to prove your parents were right.
These thought patterns are often not conscious, but lie in our subconscious mind because they are so practiced we don’t need to think about them consciously anymore. I knew a woman whose family held the belief that all women were not good in math or science. She believed this about herself and continued to do things to prove it to be true as a result of her deeply ingrained belief. Then as part of a job interview, she was required to take an IQ test and aptitude tests. The tests revealed she had a very high IQ and aptitude in math and science! Her old beliefs were shattered with this new awareness and she now had incredible confidence in her new found genius!
When you are unaware of these unconscious processes you live on autopilot and it seems as if you have no control and nothing goes right. But, if you begin to be aware of these unconscious processes and accept that you have no idea how you are creating your life the way it is, even though you now know that somehow you are, and then became really curious to find out exactly HOW you are…you will figure it out! You will gain control of your life! In your new curiosity, if you start to pay attention to what you believe, what is important to you, what you are focusing your attention on, and what meaning you are placing on things, then you will begin to see the direct correlation to what is showing up in your life and the beliefs, thoughts, meanings, and focus that you need to change in order to transform your life.
Here’s the key…it won’t happen by itself! You must be willing to do the work! You must pay attention everyday to what you are focusing on, what you believe and thus, what you are creating. The good news is, just by having this awareness, and noticing what doesn’t serve you, you will automatically stop doing it! You just can’t do something you know isn’t working for you once you are aware of it! You can only do something that doesn’t serve you if you do it unconsciously. Take a look at what is not working in your life, then learn to be aware of what you are focusing on and you will access a power that will dissolve obstacles, so you can begin creating a life you want and deserve.
Debra Betterly, PhD is an Integrative Wellness & Life Coach and Metaphysician whose passion is to help women expand their health, joy and purpose in midlife and beyond.
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